There are two quotes that come to mind when I think about the unrivaled job of being a mother. One by author Jane Sellman that says, “The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” And another by author and mother, Tenneva Jordan, that states, “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
Mothers are unsung heroes that rarely get the credit they deserve by much of our society. In the horse industry, many women are horse trainers, judges, teachers, and exhibitors while also trying to be Super Moms.
There is a constant juggling act where they are trying to coordinate their children’s schedules, school, extracurricular activities, ride horses, fly to judge shows, and show at long circuits while also trying to make piano recitals and parent teacher conferences.
While, there is flexibility of not having a 9 to 5 job in the horse industry; there is a struggle to develop a healthy routine for their children while also trying to keep their clients happy. GoHorseShow.com has asked several mothers how they handle the stress of trying to get everything done while keeping their children their first priority. Let’s see how they do it!
AQHA Judge, Trainer, and mother Deborah Kail–I guess I’m a list person and I check things off as I complete them. I keep calendars in my purse, house and barn, so I know our schedule. I try to prioritize things daily, and I have a good support team that helps me. From Bob to Ryan and Andrea to my Markel Insurance family as well. They all have my back. I used to think I had to do it all myself–now I designate my authority!
Amateur/Non Pro Exhibitor and new mother–Stephanie Griffin–Personally, I showed in the pleasure until my last trimester of pregnancy and then decided to sell my riding horse and scale back last year after I had Jackson so I could focus on being a mom. I got a horse to just show in Performance Halter as it was hard for me to make the leap to a strictly halter horse after riding for so many years. I decided just to go to a couple of larger shows to get qualified, and, even just showing those couple of times was hard with a baby as my husband had to do laps with him in the stroller while I was showing to keep him occupied. I could hear him yelling while I was in the pen, and I couldn’t help from laughing. I took a few months off and then showed at the Congress and World. I really enjoyed showing to be able to stay in touch with my horse show friends, but, it was so hard to juggle my responsibilities as a mom to a very active toddler with devoting as much time as I’d like to horses. So, I sold my horse after the World Show, and I am going to take some more time to just be a mom for a little while. Horse showing just doesn’t seem quite as important now that I have my son, but, I’m so grateful to have spent all the years I did traveling and showing so that I am content now to just focus on my career and Jackson.
Hunter Jumper Trainer, AQHA Over Fences Judge, and mother–Lainie DeBoer–I think the key word is juggle, because it constantly changes. I am not sure any year has been the same since my first daughter was born. I believe the most important thing is trying to be as organized as possible with your home life and your business; gather a small army of people that you love and trust; choose clients that are flexible along with surrounding yourself with your closest friends who are trainers; and finally you must be able to adjust things at the last minute because things come up.
During the summer before school starts, I have to take my calendars from school such as concerts, recitals, conferences, sports games, practices, and work them around a show schedule. Then, I gather together my small army of people to make it all run as smooth as possible. My mom and my husband, Karl, are so helpful when I have to go out of town during the school year. We all coordinate our schedules and keep the week flowing. I try to fly to the shows as much as possible if they are far from home, so I can stay home and spend as much time as I can with my family. This is where my road manager Brad Foss comes in. He makes sure the horses get to the show, sets up everything, and has it all ready to go when I show up. He also has a great sense of humor, so, when I am getting homesick for my family, he makes me laugh and keeps my mind off of it.
Having flexible clients and close friends that are trainers are a vital piece of my puzzle. My clients know how important family is to me, so, if a show conflicts with any important function such as a skating meet, Spring Break, or a cello concert, they know where I will be. They all know that they are welcome to go to any show they want and work with my closest trainer friends, David Warner, David Conners, Bill Ellis, and Jerry Erickson. These four guys pretty much cover the whole United States. And last but not least you must be able to adjust to things that are unexpected. My daughter broke her leg and required surgery the day before we left for Congress. There was no way I could go, but nothing even skipped a beat. Brad took care of getting the horses ready and Bill, David, and David, handled the clients, and we won more than we have ever won before. I joked with them and said maybe this is a sign for me to retire and just be a full-time mom.
AQHA Trainer and mother Kelley Roberts–I think this is a big struggle for all mothers in this industry. For us, it wasn’t a problem when our kids were young and hadn’t started school, because we just loaded up the portable crib, strollers, play pens and took them with us. We had a couple of great “show moms” that helped us out. Once they started school and sports–that is when the struggles began. Because we didn’t have grandparents close by that could help out, it was especially hard.
What was important to me was that their schedules didn’t get turned upside town when we left for a show. So, we found it worked best to have a person at our ranch and living in our house that worked at the barn when we were home and stayed with the kids when we had to leave for long stretches. She was familiar with the schedule and likes and dislikes of the kids, because she lived with us and the kids were used to her being there all the time. They were still able to make all their soccer practices and continue on with their normal routines. No matter what, it is always hard. You have to make the best of times that you are home with them. We would give lessons on Saturday morning and then drive to soccer games in the afternoon. I felt like I lived in the car. Dropping off at school, riding a few horses, picking up from school, riding a few horses. Dropping off at soccer practice, riding a few horses, picking up from soccer……etc. But it’s all worth every crazy minuted of it!
AQHA/APHA Amateur Exhibitor, full-time medical sales rep and mother, Darcy Schroeder–A solid support group is a must! You are certainly the minority if you have a job, a young child, and trying to show all at once. It takes a lot of help and a lot of patience all around. My father and his girlfriend have always been there when I need them. Since my husband is on call most the time, it was difficult for him to go to all the shows; so, I would take my father and my son with me. If I left my son home, my dad’s girlfriend was a huge help. She would stay at the house and make sure that my son got ready and to school in the mornings. Plus, I have a nanny that would come in the afternoons to watch my son after school. So, I always had help, but it did get pretty stressful trying to plan it and make sure nothing went array! The gym has been my biggest stress release. When my day is pulling me in every way, I hit the gym 45 minutes to an hour. It helps to clear my head and make things not seem so difficult.
After a while it gets hard to continuously ask for help, so, I could go to a horse show. None horseshow people just didn’t get how I could leave my family for long periods of time. I have actually come to realize that since my son will be almost five and he has multiple activities–that I need to put the horse shows on hold. Since I live in a city that doesn’t really accommodate horses, and I have to travel so far to go to ride and show–I have come to realize that my priorities have changed. Hopefully, once Braeden is older, I will come back to it, but right now it is just too difficult to work full-time, raise a family and try to show.
AQHA Trainer and mother Stacy Huls–On the mother situation, it’s tough, but can be done. I feel like I go none stop. If I am not at a horse show or the barn, there are always birthday parties, school, soccer games and many other countless activities they want to do. My mom did it for me, so, I try my very best to do them for her. Luckily, for me, my mom is very helpful and supportive. I couldn’t do it without her. She makes the traveling and my career commitments a lot easier. She comes to Phoenix to stay with Liv to try to keep as little disruption in her life as possible. Long trips are always hard because you miss things in their lives like the first soccer game, but it is a little easier knowing that she has a great grandma that is there sharing in those parts of her life. I also have a good group of customers that help out a ton if she does go to the horse show. Most of the mothers and the youth kids will jump in and go do something with her to keep her entertained. It’s a tough day for a six year old at a horse show when everyone is busy and they don’t have a lot to do. My advice is to anyone trying to juggle work and kids would be to keep your child’s interest at heart and do what’s best for them.
AQHA Trainer and horse show mom Becky Meadows--Juggling school on the road at horse shows is hard. At the start of my daughter, Noel’s, school year, Steve and I talk to her guidance counselor about what we do for a living. We also give them the dates of the horse shows that we are doing that school year. Noel and I try to do as much work beforehand as we can. Noel works hard at trying to keep her grades up too. I also remind the school about two weeks before we will be gone, so that they can have plenty of time to get things together for her. Also, now, we have a home school teacher at the most of the shows. Her name is Susan Hedgecock. She does an online school and helps kids at the horse shows. She is set up to email teachers and help with any work. That is so great. Some teacher don’t mind and some do. I know that it means more work for them. We try hard to keep a balance. It can be hard sometimes.
APHA Trainer, Multi-carded Judge, horse show mom–Kelly Boles Chapman–I don’t know that I do this juggling well — my house is never as clean as I would like it, and I have a terrible habit of always thinking I can fit one more thing in a day– so life seems like it’s always crazy and chaotic! I get great mental and moral support from two of my best friends — Rebecca Halvorson (3 kids, crazy schedule) and Tina Anderson (2 kids, hectic work and travel schedule). My kids are 11 and six years-old. As a mom, it has affected the amount of shows that I judge. While I love to judge, I hate being away from my kids, so, I don’t say “yes” to judging requests nearly as much as I used to.
On a few trips to Europe and Australia, I have been fortunate to take MacKenzie; sometimes the other judge(s) takes their spouse/child and they go see the sights while we judge. As far as my training and showing, what it has prioritized is the mix of horses I take — I don’t take more than four or five outside horses. My customers share the same “family first” priorities and understanding. My daughter, MacKenzie, has traveled with me to shows since she was a baby. She’s now actively participating in the all-around events, and she would show everyday of the week if she could. My son, Reece, is starting to go with us on occasion, depending on the show.
My husband is great at “single parenting” when I’m gone, and between the two of us, most days of the week we make sure they get to eat dinner before (or at least by) 9 pm and their homework gets done. I work with a foundation in our community on leadership and business initiatives for non-profit organizations, and we run a few cows and broodmares, so things do get a little more hectic maybe during the spring with calving and foaling. It’s definitely a lifestyle choice, and one that I wouldnt trade! One of the casualties of the lifestyle right now, though, is that I can’t seem to find a time to get my pesky gray hair brought back to my original color before I leave to teach the APHA Judges seminar then on to the AQHA Convention! I’m trying to convince the salon that they really need to stay open til midnight.
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Show exhibitor and horse show mom, Lori Collier Augsburger–I
don’t know if I’m the one to ask. I have so much help–we live on the
same farm with my parents, and I have a girl that was one of Andrew’s
(her husband) students that has babysat for me since the day Cheyenne
was born. She is wonderful, and I wish every mother could have a
yaya–that’s what Cheyenne calls her since she could never say her name,
Tiffannie. It can still be hard. There are just times she still wants
her mom. She goes to school from eight to three so that helps. There are
times I just put the horses on hold and tend to what she needs. She
does ride with us every moment she can. My advice is to have a “yaya”
and get them riding– “Force” (her daughter’s horse) is the best baby
sitter we could ever ask for.
AQHA Hunter Trainer, High School Teacher, Over Fences Judge and Horse Show mom– Kelley Rampey–Being a working mom is very challenging yet rewarding. It is very important to set your priorities in order. When Kyle and I were married, we had always agreed that our family would come before work and play. This is very challenging at times when you must meet the demands of your job or demands by your customers. My customers are very aware that on Sundays we have church activities and that horse shows are planned around family events, sporting activities, and vacations. When you make your customers aware of your priority list, they will not get angry when an event comes up. I have had to turn some customers away that do not share the same philosophy that I do, but sometimes it is best to do just that. You cannot over extend yourself or you will go through burnout. When you have a mutual respect with your clientele, they are very open when there are family events or kids athletic events come up.
When I am going to be gone for long stretches, such as the Big A Circuit, we try and make those trips a family event. Last year, I drove the kids to Georgia with me and Kyle flew in about mid week. We were able to spend the 4th of July together and see family while we were there as well. I make it a habit to turn my work into play. My customers and I like to have fun, shop, eat new places, and sight see when we travel. It makes it a great experience for everyone.
New mom and Top NRHA Non Pro Jessicah Torpey—-I
take my daughter with me, but I am lucky–her dad helps out a lot and
so do grandparents, customers and friends. She is also a good
sport–everywhere seems like home to her. It is all she knows. She has
been gone almost every weekend since she was two weeks old. It’s tiring
and hard work to run a business, be a mom and try to show myself too,
but, so far, it’s working out.
AQHA Trainer and new mom, Kristy Starnes–We have a great family that helps out all the time. Like I said my mom is awesome. She comes to my house everyday at 8:30 am, and, in the summer, when we start earlier, she is here by 6:30 am! She watches Logan all day until about 4:30 or 5 pm. We get to come up to the house and eat lunch with him everyday, and, when the weather is good, he comes to the barn to watch us ride and play with his pony. Logan really loves being outside so that helps. I’m sure if we added up what we have saved in babysitting expenses over the past year, it would be thousands. But it is not just the money, it is nice to know you have family with your child.
From what I have heard from others, we are pretty lucky with Logan because by four months he was sleeping pretty much through the night. Jay’s parents keep Logan about once every two weeks too, so that helps a lot so we can have one night off. Jay also helps out a lot with Logan. He is definitely daddy’s boy and likes to play basketball and just hang out with the boys.
At the shows, it gets a little trickier, especially since Logan gets mad when we leave. At Congress, we decided it would be easier for Logan to stay with someone else at night since our schedules there require us getting up all hours of the night and disturbing him would not be good for anyone. Logan stayed in a tended camper trailer with my parents parked right next door to our motorhome. It was good that he could go to bed at his normal time and have his regular schedule.
We are very fortunate to have a great family of support as well as clients who love to help out with Logan as well. There have been several occasions where everyone is gathered at the stalls after we are done showing and we are all watching Logan dance or play. I figure the hard part is just beginning for us. Last year we could be found pushing Logan in his blue stroller. Well now that he can walk not to mention run, he will have nothing to do with the stroller anymore. I’m seriously thinking a leash or possibly lunge line may be in order here. We will all have to wait to see.
