There once was a time when people held doors for each other, addressed one another by Ma’am and Sir, said please and thank you, helped the elderly cross the street and carried packages for the laden stranger. Perhaps somewhere way down south, this type of courtliness still exists but for the most part, society has lost its manners.
Maybe it is this fast-paced world; blame it on technology dehumanizing strangers, or chalk it up to the “me first” attitude that competitiveness brings out in people, but somewhere along the line, we have forgotten our politeness, our courtesy and general etiquette. The horse show grounds are no exception of this.
Despite what circuit, club or organization we are connected to, we have all heard those unnerving statements, ‘oh those people are so snobby’, ‘that group is too clique-y’ or ‘don’t go there – they aren’t friendly at all’. And we have all experienced going to the same shows over and over, seeing the same people again and again, and yet we still do not speak to each other. Or more daunting yet, is being the dreaded ‘newbie’ and not knowing another soul. It is a commonality discussed in barn aisle ways and at home in the practice ring all over the country. So why are we so scared to talk to each other?
Owner of multiple Congress and NSBA Champion Hunter Under Saddle horses, Kelly Smith (pictured left) from Dunnville, Ontario has noticed that most exhibitors tend to stay with their own group of people to socialize or have fun with, and she readily admits that it is not necessarily a bad thing; group and barn camaraderie make for a great team dynamic and can enhance the horse show experience.
Pinto Reserve World Champion and multiple Quarter Horse champion trainer, Jake Hartman of Advance, North Carolina doesn’t really think that much has changed over the years. “In my opinion, people are just as friendly to one another as always” but it is the modern “lack of concern for humanity” in general that has taken him by surprise.
Perhaps as exhibitors, we become so involved in ourselves, our children, our team, that we often forget that those around us are human too. Our competitors–sometimes the focus of our innate (and possibly latent) jealousy may become dehumanized to us in some sort of way. We want so badly to beat so-and-so that we forget so-and-so feels the same way as we do. We all have a shared interest, yet, we pretend to not see or know one another.
Vicky Wefald of Angier, North Carolina (pictured right), a Select exhibitor and owner of multiple champion western pleasure horses has perceived that, “after showing and going to horse shows with the same people, you would think that everyone would be more friendly to each other.”
We have all experienced it – spending four days on the same grounds, possibly in the same barn or aisle, and, yet, we don’t bring ourselves to speak to one another at the local restaurant we go to at the end of the day. So, how do we break down this social barrier? How do we diminish the silence between fellow competitors?
Social media seems to be a key in alleviating this type of tension. “With so many horse show people sharing their information and pictures on social media,” Smith says. “It is nice to be able to keep informed of their results, accomplishments, new foals, etc. A lot of friendships are now made this way without ever meeting face to face.”
Sites like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, when used properly can be an excellent way for barriers to be broken. Valerie Kearns, AQHA World Champion trainer and exhibitor from Lake Villa, Illinois, sees how social media has made it a little easier to try to help someone when they need some support.
How many of us have known people by face for years but never spoken in person to them? The comfort of sitting behind a screen, may give the nervous or shy exhibitor just enough courage to contact others he or she has seen around the industry. Positive comments and compliments on a competitor’s photo or post may help us to realize that we all share a love for the equine, and, thereby, hopefully can become the basis for a face-to-face conversation at the next show.
Yet, there seems to be something more than just ignoring each other. Exhibitors often complain of a general lack of consideration for one another, especially in the warm-up pen. “I think that we should remember that it is a hobby for most people showing and we should show respect and kindness to each other,” says Wefald. “It is nice to win but everyone can’t win and it should be more about friendly competition.”
Photographer, and multiple champion Quarter Horse trainer, Casi Vician-Gilliam (pictured left) of Roaming Shores, Ohio sometimes credits people’s poor propriety to lack of knowledge. She admits, “I do get very frustrated with riders who have not been taught proper work pen etiquette – the basics of passing, not cutting people off, leaving adequate room etc.”
Denise Hawkins, 2014 NSBA Novice Western Pleasure World Champion from Canton, Georgia agrees. Her pet peeve includes when other riders “hog the rail.” She wishes others would realize the space it takes to maneuver a horse in a pleasure class especially with its hip kicked over. She says between exhibitors it should be a “give and take process.” She notes, “We can’t drive a car looking down, so, how can we do so with a living, breathing animal with a mind of its own? We need to be aware of one another.”
Smith too thinks consideration for others should be shown, especially at large shows where there is limited space for longing. Also, when people take a spot and longe and then have someone bring them another horse for the same spot, making it difficult for others. Hartman also is concerned when more experienced riders don’t give a novice rider who is clearly having issues, the right of way.
And at some point or another, we have all been guilty of these menial crimes of discourtesy to our fellow competitors. However, overall, if we just slow down a bit and be more mindful of others, some of these issues can easily be resolved. We are horse people; we are good people.
Vician-Gilliam explains, “I try to emphasize to my youth or novice students that when in doubt, you always say, ‘I’m sorry’ even if you’re not one hundred percent sure you cut someone off or bumped them. People never get mad at you for apologizing for nothing, but you can make an enemy in a hurry if you are rude or disrespectful to others trying to get their horses ridden.”
While Hawkins (pictured right) notes that in the stressfulness of getting a horse ready to show, it can be easy to forget about manners, yet, she is overwhelmed with the general kindness of people. “I was very surprised at how many congratulations I received after winning, from complete strangers.”
And Hartman expresses the need for communication especially between the experienced and the novice rider, “Let’s learn to share our spaces, be it in the longing pen, the riding ring or the show arena.”
It is human nature to complain. However, the moments of kindness and generosity often outweigh in strength the moments of selfishness and insolence. For example, Hawkins was touched when a famous and busy trainer took time out of his hectic day at a futurity to speak to a visiting group of children in a summer day camp–he made their day, or when Vician-Gilliam witnessed a teenage girl risk her own safety in a busy parking lot to rescue two dogs that had obviously gone astray from their stalls at the show…to be later reunited with their owners.
Similarly, Hartman (pictured left) is always humbled when strangers offer to help you out in a time of need, be it a flake of hay or a hand changing a tire. Wefald has personally met some truly nice people since she started showing Select. “The ladies are so very nice and friendly.”
And Kelly Smith remembers when her trainer’s boot zipper broke right before the class at the World Show and a fellow competitor offered her a pair of boots to wear. “It certainly restored our faith in humanity!”
So next time you are at a show, take a minute to introduce yourself to your new stall neighbor. Make a new friend. Learn their name and one thing interesting about them. Send a positive post to someone online you have never spoken to. Look around at all the faces on horseback and smile. You are sure to get a smile back. And remember, a little politeness goes a long way.
About the Author: Mo (Maureen)
West grew up on a large vegetable farm in rural Ontario, Canada where
she began riding and showing quarter horses as a child. Her interests
mostly include all-around horses that lean toward hunter under saddle
events. While continuing to compete in the quarter horse circuit across
the province, Mo graduated from the University of Western Ontario and
subsequently D’Youville College. She excelled at her career for 14 years
as a high school English teacher and Department head. She now lives
with her husband in Dublin, California.
