There are several known “characters” in the horse industry. People who, when you hear their names, make you crack a smile. These quirky equestrians are the ones who make the long days bearable and keep you laughing. They command a room and everyone gravitates toward them because they are the life of the party. These horse-lovers are the ones who aren’t afraid of making fun of themselves.
We put a humorous twist on equestrians describing themselves by asking them to pitch themselves as a horse they are trying to sell. And the descriptions had us laughing from the start. Being lame behind, needing Adequan injections, not passing a pre-purchase exam, and being an accomplished, top-producing broodmare were phrases often used in their ads.
Get an insightful look into what exhibitors think about themselves. Do you agree? Did they describe themselves as you see them?
We’d love to hear from our readers too. Post your for sale ads about yourself in the comments.
Justin Wheeler – Need a ladder to get on this one. He’s tall. He won’t stand still and is easily distracted by shiny objects….squirrel?! Comes with a lot of vet bills. Hard to clip, likes to have a beard. He’s got a lot of rhythm, though. And is a fantastic lead changer. Oh, also is expensive to feed…he eats A LOT.
Jenn Wheeler – Well, first of all…is an excellent producer/broodmare; let’s start there. Limps a little on left hind, definitely needs longed when feeling sassy. Will try really hard for you if you just ask nicely. Won’t put up with nagging, so just leave her alone when possible. Don’t let her get hungry or tired, or she will just quit on you. Loves cookies and bubble baths.
Julian Harris – On sale but not for sale. Liver chestnut stud with a star, strip, snip, and diagonal stockings. Brilliant at the showmanship, but mouthy. Bred to the hilt, but you wouldn’t know it. Good bodied, common-headed, but wears a bridle well. Doesn’t vet, but never limps. Has all the buttons, even though one might be the eject. Safe, sound, and sane, as long as he’s not hungry, sore, or too tired. Can be tried at your local farmer’s market.
Dakota Diamond Griffith Sidwell – Palomino mare for sale – 14 hands, easy keeper, no motor, mare-ish at times, hauls great, loves the farrier, would be a great small fry horse, champion bloodlines. Price on call – serious inquiries only, please, no tire kickers.
Tali Terlizzi – Multiple futurity winner – been there, done that show mare. Loves to show and loves her job. A bit of a diva that enjoys maintenance treatments. Has a great personality, unless you tell her no, but there is no doubt she will make you laugh. Mare can get a little fresh if not kept in a professional program, definitely not suitable for a keep-at-home type of program. Does not enjoy being kept in a stall for days (will get stir crazy). Will be a great asset to any breeding program. Has already had two offspring and is a promising producer. Might not flex well in a PPE, but will definitely x-ray well. For sale, but definitely NOT on sale.
Kathy Tobin – Old gray mare that ain’t what she used to be, but still hanging in there, hopefully with a few more wins left in her. Maintainable issues, easy to clip, but not fond of loading in the trailer, but it’s all good once she gets to a show. Does not like to show at night or when it’s too hot or too cold, but prefers heat over cold. Reasonably priced, good with kids or any level rider.
Bailey Anderson – Very competitive and independent mare for sale. Finished in the all-around, but doesn’t always follow instructions and requires LOTS of maintenance. Easy to get tired at the shows and is a professional napper, but very motivated by food. No tire kickers. This mare is EXPENSIVE.
Amy Groefsema – Fabulous, retired show mare for sale. She excelled in multiple events and loved to show. Was easy to prepare, but often mare-ish when stressed. Now a broodmare, she has two successful babies on the ground that she cheers on in their events. She plans to come out of retirement after her babies finish showing.
Katherine Stone – Nice, 10-year-old, AQHA 15-hand palomino mare, excels in western pleasure. She is started in HMS, SMS, and trail, but she really just prefers to lope slow around the arena and look pretty. Super safe for kids and novice riders, but don’t forget her Regumate and needs routine vet work such as Legend injections, and she loves a good Magnawave session. She does not like a heavy-handed rider. Prefers to be left alone. Longe her good and then hop on and go show.
If you fuss with her too much, she’s likely to turn on you and buck you off. Previously bred, but the vet says no more babies for her. She hates turnouts in the heat and prefers her stall with a nice fan in the summer and comfy blankets in the winter. Hauls great unless it’s too far, and then she needs to get out and stretch her old legs. Priced in mid-five figures. Must sell to make way for younger version.
Scott Reinartz – He’s big, mature, well-mannered, sound, and easy to be around. Loves to go down the road and show. Works hard, loves to be pampered. Needs to go to a loving family that will feed him treats. Requires new shoes every four weeks but an easy keeper. Serious inquiries only.
Katy Jo Zuidema – Aged halter horse mare. Big-boned, pretty-headed, and bad-minded.
Beckie Peskin – Reliable all-arounder. Excels in the pattern classes, easy to get along with – a little over 15 hands. Won’t be the fanciest one in your barn, but she knows her job and does it well. Easy to prep, steps up at the big shows. No major lameness issues, but will require maintenance.
Chelsea Carlson – Tall, big-boned mare with unique coloring. Needs minor maintenance but an easy keeper and a very solid show partner. Non-marish, acts more like an easy-going gelding. Handy enough for a seasoned exhibitor, but quiet and gentle enough to teach a novice. You won’t miss this one. She stands out in a crowd.
Johnna Letchworth – 15.3 Bay Mare. Good X-rays, but will get body sore at shows. Ulcer Guard recommended. Hauls well, clips decent. Best when stalled without any neighbors. Enjoys turnout time in ideal weather only.
Carrie Warren – Seasoned broodmare with proven and beautiful offspring. Stands at 5’ 8”, palomino with a touch of gray roan. Has competed in all-around events, but excels in hunter under saddle, has an awesome lead change, and loves western riding.
Built solid, strong backside for halter. Clips and loads pretty good, is a bit high maintenance, needs a clean stall and top-shelf grain. Really competes better with wine in her water, especially after 4 PM. Super willing disposition with a slightly stubborn side. May bite in cross ties, suggest not confining. Will be shown at Vickery Performance Horses until sold.
How would you describe yourself in a horse sale ad? We’d love to continue the fun, so let us know in the comments.
