Let’s face it, without our horse show moms we would not be able to travel halfway across the country to compete at a horse show. I do not know what I would do without my crazy and fun horse show mom.
After my final youth world show which included many cherished family memories, I wanted to ask other horse show moms about their relationships with their daughters and sons and to hear about their most memorable, embarrassing, cherished and hilarious moments together.
I had the opportunity to visit with Sydney Scheckel’s mother, Angie; Ellexxah Maxwell’s mother, Melissa; Klay and Claire McDowall’s mother, Marnie; Alyssa, Emily and Payton Neiberger’s mother, Lisa; Isabella D’Onofrio’s mother, Jennifer; Cole and Kade Gower’s mother, Brenda; and Millie Landon’s mother, Tara. In addition to these incredible horse show moms, I had to include my own special mom, Shannon Wacker.
In your opinion, what makes a good horse show mom?
Angie Scheckel: “Always being there for her is my main goal. We know each other so well it’s scary, but believe me, I know when we need our space too.”
Melissa Maxwell: “Realize the method in the madness. This is an expensive venture, we all know that, but when you consider the people skills, opportunities, and traveling to experience new things, it makes it all worthwhile. A good horse show mom recognizes that competition develops responsibility, work ethic, and character that eventually reaches far outside the show ring. A good horse show mom sees showing as an investment in their child’s future, not just money down the drain.”
Marnie McDowall: “I think a good horse show mom does what needs to be done, emphasizes good sportsmanship and loves, disciplines and supports their kiddo through the highs and lows of competition. A steady supply of Sour Patch kids is also a mandatory component.”
Lisa Neiberger: “I think a good horse show mom tells their kids to remember to have fun. This is a lot of work but there has to be a little fun factor involved. I also tell them to thank the good Lord that they are able to do this. They are very lucky. Lastly, I always record them in the show pen so they can watch. I think it definitely helps to see yourself.”
Jennifer D’Onofrio: “I think the best horse show moms are the ones with three hands to carry everything and the ones that stay positive and encouraging through the sweat, the tears of joy and disappointment. I am so grateful my daughter lets me come along for the ride and be part of her journey.”
Brenda Gower: “I think a good show mom is there to help organize and encourage their children. Know how each needs to prepare and give them sufficient space. Be positive and try not to add any more pressure to showing. There is already enough pressure kids put on themselves in the show ring. My last words to the boys as I leave them to go to the warm up ring with the trainers is ‘Good Luck and Have Fun!’”
Tara Landon: “I know a lot of great moms and horse show moms. I’m very fortunate to have many of them as my besties. Horse show moms are always there for the long hours of practice and work. We make sure the show clothes are clean; we’re the punching bag when the stress levels get high; we’re the shopper, the banker, and the driver. I don’t always make it to watch Millie’s practices, or help her saddle her horse, but I always make it to watch her show. I am her biggest cheerleader and supporter.”
Shannon Wacker: “A good horse show mom is a unique breed. She knows how to ease a stressed out nervous kid and a crazy horse while staying composed and smiling…and always has a can of Pepi for last minute touch ups.”
What’s your favorite horse show with your child (or children)?
Angie Scheckel: “My favorite memory ever was watching Syd and Pip take their victory lap in the Jim Norick after winning the world in showmanship last year. It signified so many years of hard work, tears, and true love all at once.”
Marnie McDowall: “I have one for each kiddo. Claire was six and doing the walk trot in Denver on Traditional Zippo. She was the only one in the class so Kelly told the judge to let her lope. The look on her face was priceless and so ended her short-lived walk trot career. Klay was eight and at his first world show. As was customary, I was tying his tie and he shouted in a panicked voice, ‘Too tight, it’s too tight. I can’t breathe!’ I don’t believe it was any tighter than it normally was, but I was nervous too, so it’s possible I suppose.”
Lisa Neiberger: “My favorite memory at a horse show is when Alyssa and Emily were showing. Payton was still too young to show. We were at Sun Circuit and Payton wanted to show so bad. All she did was lope her stick horse around everywhere. It still makes me smile.”
Melissa Maxwell: “My favorite memory with Ellexxah was in 2007 at her first ever showmanship class at the Congress. She was just six-years-old showing in the Novice 13 & Under. She had a meltdown because she was confused that the 14-18 Novice were showing separately on the other end of the pen. She was sobbing and said, ‘I’m quitting and going back to the barn!’ I told her if she didn’t pull herself together I was going to turn her over and shake her. I got the little kid stare down, defiant foot stomp and then she made a break for it. I promptly clotheslined her, flipped her, and proceeded to shake her and tickle her until I made her laugh. She not only ended up showing but after nine splits and 140 entries, she won her first Congress Bronze. Even after all these years, I still threaten her and it still makes her laugh.”
Tara Lombardo Landon: “I have so many good memories but the best was when Millie was about six-years-old and she had Red Faced Rosie. She rode that mare from sun up til as late into the night as she could. Rosie took care of Millie and tolerated her. One day at a show in Harlansburg, Pa, I put ear plugs in Rosie’s ears and I didn’t say anything to Millie that I did it. Later that day, out of the blue, Millie sees me from a distance and starts yelling ‘Mom! Mom!’ When she catches my attention she yells again, ‘There’s golf balls in Rosie’s ears!’”
Jennifer D’Onofrio: “Watching Bella’s face when they named the reserve champion at Level 1 Championships because in that moment, she knew her dream had come true and she was the Champion. My heart was so full I thought it might break. All of her hard work had paid off, it was her day and pure joy. She put her hand on Roanie’s neck to share their moment and thank him. I will never forget that moment.”
Brenda Gower: “My favorite memory was Cole’s last youth world show. Our whole family, along with many friends, were watching the trail finals and cheering him on.”
Shannon Wacker: “I have so many wonderful memories, but I think the most memorable event was Congress 2009 when Paige and I shared back-to-back showmanship wins together with our beloved Zeus (Vested Asset.) It was truly teamwork and the most cherished horse show memory I could share with my girl.”
When your son or daughter is getting ready to show, how do you help them?
Angie Scheckel: “I leave her alone! (laughs) So she can get in her zone…”
Melissa Maxwell: “When Ellexxah was really little, I did everything. I groomed, longed, helped ride, played fashion coordinator, etc. She turns 16 this year so she’s becoming pretty self-sufficient, so I’m basically out of a job. However, the one job I will always have no matter what is to be so very proud of my kid. Any support, to be there to whistle after a great go, or give a hug after a bad one, is the most important responsibility I can have.”
Marnie McDowall: “At most shows, I do whatever needs to be done from stall cleaning, horse grooming, number pinning, hair bunning and tie tying. I’m also an amateur videographer when needed. At the World and Congress, I still perform the same duties but then leave and or stay away from the warm up area and leave it to the trainer/husband/dad. The kids only need one bossy, nervous parent at those moments, so I leave it to the professional, no matter how much I want to intervene.”
Lisa Neiberger: “When the girls are showing. I always do their hair. Of course, I get super nervous and I don’t want that to rub off on them, so I say a little prayer in the warm-up and go find a good spot to watch.”
Jennifer D’Onofrio: “I try to help her by being ultra prepared. My groom bag may weigh a ton but you can find everything in there from lipstick to a hole punch. My most recent addition was zip ties. You never know what you will need to hold everyone together. Even the kitchen sink as they say…”
Brenda Gower: “I help get the horse/horses show ready. Help the boys get dressed and tie their scarves and then I am gone. I hand them off to the trainers to get focused and to get their last minute coaching done.”
Tara Landon: “I try and stay out of the way.”
Shannon Wacker: “I am a perfectionist so I love every hair to be in place, but I’ve learned to just say good luck, have fun and head to the padded mom room. I am always available with a bottle of water, though.”
How do you help your child calm their nerves before they’re getting ready to show?
Angie Scheckel: “I say ‘give momma some sugar.’ This makes her smile and laugh, she knows I love her no matter what.”
Melissa Maxwell: “I’m a big Frank Sinatra fan. I have “Fly Me to the Moon” as the alarm on my cell phone because it annoys Ellexxah. When I see her start to get in her own head too much, I get REALLY close and sing until she is forced to give up and sing along.”
Marnie McDowall: “I don’t know if it helps calm them or not but before they go to warm up at the World or Congress, I tell them that no matter what happens, I love them, I’m proud of them and I will take them home, ‘no matter what.’”
Lisa Neiberger: “To help them calm their nerves, I always tell them to remember to breathe and then I go get my husband, Todd, and let him take over. He can calm their nerves much better than I can.”
Jennifer D’Onofrio: “I try to calm her down with lots of encouragement. All of these kids want it so bad, they are plenty hard on themselves, so I just try to build her up.”
Brenda Gower: “Both Cole and Kade are really calm when getting ready to show. I always remind them it is just another show. If things go south in the pen there is literally another show next week.”
Tara Landon: “Sometimes I want to jerk her ponytail but I don’t. A hug, a talk, or a stern voice sometimes works. Sometimes, she just needs to practice one more time or find time to get some sleep.”
Shannon Wacker: “As Paige has grown older, I have learned to let her have her space which seems to help calm nerves more than me smothering her trying to be ultra helpful. I make lots of trips to Starbucks — she appreciates that and it makes me feel better knowing she has eaten something and the caffeine boost helps get her through her day.”
What is your most embarrassing moment at a horse show?
Angie Scheckel: “Oh gosh, I have too many. Probably just being so ‘green’ when we started this adventure. I know we’ve all been there but I felt so uneducated about this industry and still do most of the time.”
Melissa Maxwell: “Ellexxah started showing leadline at a year and a half (pictured right). Our customers were always encouraging her. Unfortunately, though, she absorbed a little too much. While walking the line in leadline one afternoon, the judge stopped and asked three-year-old, Ellexxah if she liked to show horses. Her reply was, ‘Yes sir, I kick ass!’ To make matters worse, that particular judge reminds us of that every time we see him.”
Lisa Neiberger: “We really haven’t had any embarrassing moments at a horse show, luckily.”
Jennifer D’Onofrio: “My most embarrassing moment at a show was in 2015 when I accidentally put the wrong number on her for performance halter so she was automatically disqualified. She took it much better than I did. A lady overheard our conversation as I was crying in the bathroom. Bella said ‘Mom, it’s okay, there will always be another horse show and everyone makes mistakes.’ The lady came out and complimented Bella on her attitude. So perhaps my most embarrassing moment became one of my proudest Mom moments.”
Marnie McDowall: “I guess I’m not easily embarrassed or I’ve just been really lucky because I don’t have an answer for this one. I did hyperventilate after I realized that Klay was the last one left in the horsemanship finals in 2014, but who could really blame me, right?!”
Brenda Gower: “I probably have too many embarrassing moments to share but one was when I put Cole’s horses’ tail in and he was doing a pleasure class back in Alberta and the class was just about done when I could see the tail coming out. I was like, ‘call the class, call the class!’ Needless to say, the tail fell out before the class was over. Cole thought something happened. I was on the rail, and, when he came around, he said, ‘Did my tail fall out?’ I said ‘no’ as calmly as I could and by the time he actually saw his tail had come out, they had called the class. Cole just shook his head at me and smiled when he saw his tail laying in the arena. Oops!”
Tara Landon: “The first time Millie showed the Small Fry at the Congress. I was so proud of her and so overwhelmed with emotions, when her number was called to come back for the finals, I burst into uncontrollable tears. I felt like an idiot because I couldn’t make it stop.”
Shannon Wacker: “Most embarrassing moment ties with the scariest moment– It was Paige’s first horse show when she showed in the walk trot. It should be a harmless sweet little class, but not for us. The first corner, things were going well, by the third corner she was screaming ‘MOMMY!’ and hanging on for dear life while our trusty steed was bucking and running to the center of the arena ready to trample the judge…..who was judging his first AQHA show. We have it on video if anyone wants to see it. Paige would love to show you!” (laughs)
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We are all given one mother, and these mothers have given so much for their children to achieve their dreams. Sharing the same passions with your parents is truly one that is irreplaceable.
