I had the incredible opportunity to show
my horse, Lyles Al Lie, at the AQHA World Championship Show in Amateur Hunter Under
Saddle. After a 14 year break from showing on the Quarter Horse Circuit, and
showing in five shows in 2010, I got qualified. The
one and only time I showed in Oklahoma City at the World Show was in 1993, when
Beanie Babies were launched and the cost of a gallon of gas was $1.16. Almost 20 years later, there’s a
Jumbotron in the center of the arena and GoHorseShow.com is reporting about all the comings and goings which would have been impossible back then
since Al Gore had just barely finished inventing the internet. The one thing
that hasn’t changed is the feeling that the World Show is a big deal, and
everybody wants to have a great ride and do well.
Gateway of Emotions
Let’s just say that I did not do my best
riding at the World Show. In a class with such nice horses, you could have the
ride of your life and not make it back, so I wanted to make sure I fully
experienced the chance to trot down the ‘Gateway of Champions’. When I was
waiting to show, I thought about what it took to get me there. I have an incredible
person in my life that supports my horse habit and he makes lots of sacrifices
so I can do what I love. Then I think about how fortunate I am to have the horse
and trainers that I have. If that wasn’t enough, my parents were sitting in the
stands after hours of waiting for my class to start. At this point I was biting
my lip riding down the Gateway of Champions trying not to cry like a baby.
(Note to self: you can think about that stuff after the class, but maybe
thinking about keeping your heels down and hands steady might be a better idea
next time). I had a few things not go as planned during the preliminaries, but
made it back to the finals, which was full of surprises. As much as we all love
stories with happy endings, my ride in the finals did give me the chance to do some serious research
for my November GoHorseShow column.
How to deal with disappointment
If you have been showing horses for any
length of time, you have probably had ‘one of those days’ when things just don’t
go as planned. Depending on the circumstances, having a bad ride can linger for
a few moments to a few months. The key is to have a good recovery strategy so
you can learn from your mistakes and move forward with your head held high.
Just feel what you need to feel, as long
as you are not yelling or breaking anything
It is amazing what emotions come out
after something does not go the way you want it to. I have to admit, I was
surprised when I burst into tears when I saw my trainers, family and friends
after the class. I felt like I let them down, I felt like I let my horse down
and I felt embarrassed. No matter what you are feeling, just feel it, as long
as you are not being physically or mentally abusive to anyone, including yourself.
If you are the kind of person that tends to dwell on things, then give yourself
a time limit, like 10 minutes. Once you have dealt with the initial emotion honestly,
you can put yourself on the path to moving forward.
Accept responsibility of what happened
The first step is to accept total
responsibility for what happened. Although some people may debate this, if you
want to move on, take the position that it is not your horse’s fault, your
trainer’s fault or the judge’s fault. When you are riding your horse, you are in
charge of your ride. Period. If something went wrong, take total responsibility
for it. Instead of asking ‘Why did my horse do that?’ ask yourself ‘What can I do
next time to make sure that does not happen again?’
Get some perspective and distance
You may find that recovery road has a few
potholes and twists and turns along the way. If you find yourself beating
yourself up, or keep reliving certain aspects of what went wrong, then you need
to get some distance from the event. One of the best things to do when you
start to dwell on your mistakes is to imagine that you are floating way above
the mishap, almost as if you were sitting on a cloud and looking down on that
little teeny- weeny thing going on way down there. If you have a fear of
heights, like to put unfortunate things behind you and loved the movie Back to
the Future, then Time Travel is the way to go. Just ask yourself to go out into
the future, when this is no longer an issue for you, and notice how you are
feeling about it now. If you still have any unwanted emotions come up when you
think of the event, then just keep traveling forward through time until this
event becomes a distant memory way back in the past.
What did you learn?
We have all had the same teacher in life,
and her name is Miss. Takes. I like to think of her in a Mrs. Doubtfire kind of
way. You know, not too attractive, probably smells a bit like mothballs, but if
you fall down and scrape your knee, she has a band-aid handy and lets you know
that you will be OK. Once you have gotten some perspective and you are feeling
neutral about what happened, then make a list of all of the things that you
learned. Just like in elementary school, once you learn what you need to learn,
there is no need to repeat Miss. Takes class again.
Make something productive out of it
This is the Lemons into Lemonade thing.
Everybody loves a story that has a bit of adversity to it. Think about how your
story could be useful to other people in your personal or professional life.
People love a good Rocky story, so put yours to good use, and use it to
motivate or at least entertain those around you.
Once you are done, you are done
When you feel like….’Yeah, it was a
mistake but things happen for a reason, and I am thankful for that’, it is
important for those around you to know that you have moved on, learned from
what happened and you are a better rider because of it. You may need to remind
people that you are more than your mistakes. If they bring it up, kindly tell
them what you learned, how you have grown and that you may not have had the
ride that you wanted, but you had the ride that you needed to get you to the next
level.
Kirsten Farris is a monthly contributor to GoHorseShow.com and a Certified Sport Consultant, Certified Equestrian
Fitness Trainer, and the Author of The Workbook for the Equestrian
Athlete – A Guide to Showring Success. For more information contact her
at: kirsten@equestrianathlete.com
© 2010
