You know the drill. The year is winding down and it is time to fling out the old and bring in the new. Between egg nog, year-end reports at work, and voting for the oh-so-popular Trainer Bowl, it’s time to make your resolutions for the new year. You think hard about what you want to improve in your life, and you may be sophisticated and bold enough to put it in writing. After all, a goal not written down is just a dream, right? You pack in all of your bad behavior until the stroke of midnight on December 31st, and then magically, you will be able to make all of the changes in your life that you want to make. Sound familiar?
So why is it that we give up on our resolutions faster than it takes to play Auld Lang Syne?
Don’t get me wrong, I think setting goals and deciding to make positive changes are good things, but if you have set a goal in the past and not achieved it, here are some reasons why that may have happened.
Needs, Shoulds and Wants
Lets face it, If you really wanted something badly enough, you would have it by now, or at least be well on your way to getting it accomplished. I hear stories all the time about regular people that do extraordinary things, and they do them because they are aligned, motivated and willing to take action to achieve their goals. Sure they face some bumps along the way, but they are willing to move mountains to finish what they started.
Why are they able to accomplish great things? Because they WANT to. Getting things done because you need to or should do it won’t work. If you don’t believe me, think about people who smoke. There aren’t many smokers who don’t acknowledge that they need to or should stop smoking, but people become successful non-smokers because they want to. Knowing the facts won’t change behavior. If you really want to do something, you can do it now, and you don’t need to wait until January 1st to make changes.
You can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear
Have you ever gotten something that someone made for you and it came with one of those tags inside that says, “Made with Love from Grandma”? I got a few gifts like that, but one thing I never saw on a tag was, “Made from frustration, bitterness and resentment because I kept putting this off, you probably won’t like it, and why am I so co-dependent that I need to be doing this to get your approval?” Besides being a very big tag on a crocheted potholder, the recipient would probably run screaming for the hills if this was their birthday gift from Aunt Maggie. But let me ask you this, how many times have you started something with that type of attitude?
Let’s say you set your new years resolution to lose 10 pounds. When you think about losing 10 pounds, do you focus on how great you will feel and look when you lose the weight, or do you beat yourself up for being overweight in the first place? If you are like most people, it’s a bit of both. You set the goal because you are unhappy with how you are now. and you may be more focused on what you don’t want (being 10 pounds overweight) than what you do want, which is losing weight and feeling great. Not only have you created a conflict within yourself, when you think of the goal, you probably won’t be very motivated to take action.
Goals create the “I’ll be happy when _________ happens” syndrome.
This is one of the biggest traps that people fall into because we have determined that having a certain feeling is dependent on having something happen. If you decide that you will be happy when you get a new horse, win a world championship or find your soul mate, you are telling yourself that you are not happy now, and thinking about the goal actually brings up negative feelings, which are not known for creating massive amounts of motivation. Delaying happiness until you achieve something will almost guarantee that you will not get your new horse or soul mate, and if you do, you probably won’t be that much happier either.
If you want to grow a field of dreams, you don’t plant it with weeds.
Here’s a news flash: The reason we want to accomplish or have things is not because of the thing itself, it is because of the feeling we associate with having it. You can choose to be happy RIGHT NOW regardless of what you have or don’t have, because you can change your feelings at any time. In order to achieve your goals without conflict and stress, you need to set them from the same energy and feelings that you will have when you accomplish what you want. When you consider a goal, you want to think of it from the position of how you will be when you have accomplished it, and use that motivating energy to catapult you towards success. Like attracts like, and using the same energy you will have when you get something will attract all sorts of pleasant situations, and you will be flowing toward your goal, not swimming upstream to get it.
Try it Out
I want you to think about something that you think you want to achieve or acquire. As you think about your goal, get connected to how you will be as a person when you have accomplished it.
Now that you have that feeling, go ahead and really feel what it feels like to have what you want.
Now ask yourself, “What is the smallest next step I can take that will get me closer to what I want?”
Once you know what your smallest step is, you will be able to complete it easily because it came from the energy that you will have when you reach your outcome, and after all, it’s just a small step. Once you have completed you small step, get back in touch with how you will be as a person when you have accomplished your goal, and figure out what your next smallest step is, and so on, and so on.
Making progress in small steps with the right kind of energy is the easiest way to accomplish big things, and you can begin anytime, even right now. There is no need to wait until New Years Day to create the life of your dreams.
Just think – You will be well on your way to getting what you really want while others are busy making lists of things they will never accomplish.
Kirsten Farris is a Certified Sport Consultant, Certified Equestrian
Fitness Trainer, and the Author of The Workbook for the Equestrian
Athlete- A Guide to Showring Success. For more information contact her
at: kirsten@equestrianathlete.com
© 2009
