Confidence is interesting–most people think it is an actual ‘‘thing” that they either have, or they don’t. I think of confidence as a belief in a person’s ability to do something and just like a bank account, we either make deposits or withdrawals. If you feel your confidence is constantly in overdraft status, try eliminating the following habits and your account balance will be in the black in no time.
1. Compare yourself to other people, especially people that you don’t even know
While I think it is okay to have role models and study good habits of successful people, I think that this has gotten out of hand. Maybe it’s because of People Magazine or Reality TV shows, but we spend a lot of time peeking into the private lives of people and imagining what it would be like to be them with their 10,000 square foot closet, private jet and perfect body. When we spend more time focusing on others than ourselves, we are sending a subliminal message that we like their life better than ours and we are making them more important. Instead of spending time stalking people on Facebook to live vicariously through them, why not spend that time defining your perfect dream life and start taking action to make that a reality? Then, you can live vicariously through your own life.
2. Gossip
When people rally around a certain cause with an outpouring of good thoughts and wishes, we call that prayer. In essence, we send positive intention outward to change a situation for the better. You know what the opposite of praying is? Gossip. When we gossip, we are sending negative energy outward but it has a boomerang effect–the negative charge we send out comes right back at us. I get it is human nature to want to wonder who’s doing what to whom, but what is your purpose in doing so? If you truly want to help transform somebody’s bad situation, pray for them. If not, stop talking about it.
3. Focus on what you don’t have or what you can’t do
As cave people, our survival depended on our ability to focus on what can go wrong, and what we don’t have. That way, we would stay motivated to leave our warm cave and go out and hunt our next meal without becoming one. The trouble is, our brain is still wired the same way. Given a choice, we will naturally gravitate toward the bad stuff, and after time, the only thing we are confident about is that we pretty much suck at everything, so why even bother trying. To break the cycle, we need to train our brain to take in the good, and focus on what is working and what we are grateful for in our everyday life.
4. Don’t take care of your body
It is really tough to perform at your best when you don’t take care of your body. What we eat, drink, and the amount of exercise and sleep we get really effects our ability to stay focused and sharp, and that is when we tend to make our biggest bonehead mistakes, like going off pattern or forgetting how to ride our horse properly. Managing your blood sugar and staying hydrated are key to proper brain function, and time you spend learning proper brain management is time well spent.
5. Throw honesty and integrity out the window
We all know those people who say they are going to do something and don’t ever do it. These are the people who are living in a world filled with integrity breaches. When you say you are going to be at the barn for your 9 am lesson, you are making a statement that you will do something at a certain time, and you are informing you horse trainer and the universe of your intention. When you show up late, you now have a score of -1 in the game of manifesting something. When you say you are going to win a World Championship, you have once again informed your horse trainer and the universe of your intention. Like The Boy Who Cried Wolf too many times, odds may be against you, after all, you can’t even keep your commitment of getting to the barn on time. After awhile, even you won’t take your intentions seriously. The more accurate you are at being brutally honest with yourself, the better you will be at making things happen in your life.
6. Stay in your comfort zone
As humans, we are supposed to keep learning and evolving. The truth is, most people don’t feel comfortable when they don’t know something or make mistakes, and we become masters at playing it safe. This will work for awhile, but eventually we may want to venture out of the box, and just thinking about it creates a bit of fear or anxiety, which for most folks is not a good feeling. So instead of acting with integrity (See #5 above) and saying that this new thing scares the crap out of me, but I am going to do it anyway, we start listing all sorts of really logical reasons why it isn’t a good idea. But deep down inside, we know that we didn’t try something new because we were uncomfortable, and that is a huge confidence killer.
7. Lack of a recovery strategy
Yes, of course, we all would like things to go perfectly, each and every time we compete, but that only happens in Fantasy Land when you are showing My Pretty Pony. The quicker you recognize you are off track, rectify they situation and recover from mistakes, you will have developed an amazing skill that allows you to know that no matter what comes your way, you can handle it will grace and finesse, and that is the biggest confidence builder of all.
Kirsten Farris is a regular contributor to GoHorseShow.com and a Certified Sport Consultant, Certified Equestrian Fitness Trainer, and the Author of The Workbook for the Equestrian Athlete – A Guide to Showring Success. Kirsten and her horse, Lyles Al Lie, were the 2012 and 2013 AQHA Select World Champion in Hunter Under Saddle. For more information contact her at: [email protected] © 2013
