We’ve all seen the motivational poster of the cat holding onto a rope that says, “Hang in there.” But sometimes hanging in there can be a real struggle – especially in a hobby industry where finances, stress, judgment, and animal health impact our ability to hold on.
World Champion amateur exhibitor Vanessa Froman is no stranger to the feelings of doubt and heartache that come with spending a lifetime in our industry.
“I grew up showing and breeding horses. It wasn’t just in my blood; horses were in my soul and have always been in my life. Horses have been an integral part of some of my greatest moments, but they have also been part of some of my lowest points.”
She continues, “I lost my heart horse Rudy to an accident many years ago, and, at that moment, I wanted to give up because I didn’t think I could ever fill the void he left. Years later, I lost my father while I was showing at the Quarter Horse Congress. That was a huge blow, making me question whether I ever wanted to show at the Congress again.”
Looking forward, Froman realizes she will soon be opening a new chapter in life where she is trying to keep her passion for showing. “I’ve been showing with my son, Collin, for many years. He’s about to graduate from high school and wants to become a military officer. If he heads off to a school like West Point, that will change the dynamic of showing, and I’ve questioned how to go on without my show buddy.”
Froman has relied on her family, trainer, and close friends to help her evolve in the industry and keep horses, her passion, a part of her life. From 4-H to APHA to AQHA to adventures in horse breeding, Froman has stuck with it through the tough times and is willing to offer some pointers from her personal experiences to help others through their struggles.
Figure Out Why You Feel Like Quitting
“One of the first things that I have learned is that when you feel like you want to give up and walk away, you need to understand what is causing that feeling.”
She advises, “I have found that journaling is beneficial for me in many aspects of my life, particularly with horses.”
“I can get easily overwhelmed, and I deal with anxiety and guilt from spending time away from family to show. All of these feelings are amplified when I struggle with tragedy or change. Writing down my thoughts as I experience them allows me to come back later and analyze my feelings to determine the root cause of what is bothering me.”
She admits, “Many times, the issue isn’t the horses; it’s something else, and the horses are my sanity. By finding the root of my frustration, I can address that issue head-on instead of taking a drastic, broad approach.”
Talk to a Confidant About Your Feelings
Froman believes having truly supportive confidants has been one of her greatest blessings.
“It is so important to talk to someone you love and trust who knows your journey,” she emphasizes. “Having someone who can be your sounding board for your concerns prevents you from reaching a place in your head where your passion isn’t salvageable.”
She chuckles, “I’ve had many times where I’ve needed my husband or my trainer to ‘talk me off the ledge.’ They know me, sometimes better than I know myself, and they can either listen when I need to vent or offer me meaningful advice when I need input.”
Froman continues, “After many years in many facets of the horse industry, I have found that communication is important to my horse relationships. Talking to a trainer about your struggles or worries and having them listen and offer advice has been essential to my ability to stick with it and grow as an equestrian and a person.”
Find Your Circle
“Our industry is filled with so many different characters, lifestyles, professions, and backgrounds, that I honestly believe there is someone out there for everyone. The struggle seems to be in finding your people.”
Froman admits, “I’ve been in barns and around others who didn’t feed my soul with positivity, but negativity. And getting jaded and burned out in that environment, especially when things are tough, is so easy.”
“I know that if it weren’t for my trainer (Jenell Pogue), I wouldn’t have been able to muscle through the struggles or enjoy the full blessings of the big wins. Together, we commiserate over the losses, heartbreaks, and setbacks. But, we can also celebrate the small and big victories, knowing everything it took to get there.”
She believes, “Having found my circle, I’m much happier with the sport, win or lose, and I get much more out of the horse ownership experience. I think a big reason why many people are disenchanted with the industry and want to give up is that they just haven’t found their people yet.”
Remember Why You Do This
Perhaps the biggest reason people want to leave the industry is that they have lost track of their passion and need to rekindle it.
“My biggest advice to those looking to walk away is that they rediscover their passion for the sport. Why did you get into horses in the first place, and what goals did you have initially?”
“There are a million ways to enjoy a horse. Not everyone finds their love of the sport doing breed shows or competing at the highest level. Our industry has something for everyone, whether it be various disciplines, different levels of shows, or simply the joy of loving horses at home without the pressure of competition.”
“Maybe, if you are at an impasse and want to stop showing, that’s ok. Enjoy your horse away from the arena and figure out what you want – whether that be a re-focus, shift in disciplines, or maybe a true break from the industry.”
Froman gets emotional, “I’ve found comfort in my horses in some of the hardest stages of my life. I’m a horse girl who loves riding around at home and feeding my inner child, who loves simply grooming and wasting time with my horses. When I keep the love of the horses at the center of my goals, I’m never disappointed.”
Sometimes Quitting Can Be A Good Thing
Finally, there are two situations in which Froman believes that quitting is a positive thing: (1) when it is financially necessary and (2) when it is necessary for your mental health.
“Showing at a high level is so expensive. But horses at any level have certain basic needs and costs that can be expensive, regardless of what discipline you are participating in,” Froman admits.
“I firmly believe that the animal’s health and wellness come first. If you cannot care for them properly, taking a step back is in everyone’s best interests. Additionally, horses are a hobby for most people. Therefore, when finances require buckling down, it is the right, albeit difficult decision, to take a step back and avoid financial turmoil.”
“Additionally, it is so important to respect your mental health. Horses are supposed to be a fun hobby, and we spend all this money on them because we enjoy them. If you are constantly unhappy and no longer enjoy the sport, perhaps it is the right time to dial things back, take a break, and reassess.”
She concludes, “Our industry is forgiving of people who need a break so that they can come back to it – it may take time to reach a high level again, but it is possible. So, if your finances or your mental health are telling you that you need to step away, listen.”
